he (?) and I

i never thought even one minute that i could like my own guy best friend because it’s usually a taboo and so far i have 3 guy best friends without any romantic relationship, but this time… it’s different

its started in hangzhou, he started to put smile on his face everytime he looked at me and trust me the feeling was wonderful. he rarely giggle or smile unless he’s really happy but somehow this time he really was. on the second day, my friends and I decided to go clubbing and i know at the moment, i should NOT get drunk since it’s very difficult not to tell the truth when you are drunk. unluckily, i was high. very high until i told him that i crossed the line in our relationship, that this feeling might grow and no longer a plain friendship. and he said, he crossed the line too. 

i wasn’t sure what i felt at that exact moment but i can remember he kept holding my waist and i feel complete. but……… is this supposed to be happening? i mean, he is my best friend!! he knows every secrets in my life, shit.

my mom told me dont do the same mistake twice. and i took this seriously since my previous relationship ended up miserably because of the same thing: religion. but i really believe in my God so nothing should come in His way. what is this then?? another test? but i feel like i really wanna be with him. 

oh please, im very confused now. :( what should i do? should i just suppress this feeling and pretend this is not happening or.. should i follow my heart and be with him?