this guy used to be my very dear best friend but now he’s my boyfriend.

but sometimes, i’m reluctant to rely myself on him fully knowing that he might not catch me or be there when i fall.

sometimes, i’m embarrassed to be clingy or needy just like i used to when i have a boyfriend coz im not sure if he won’t get turn off

sometimes, i feel he’s just not there. i dont wanna love him. i repressed my feelings for  him. im afraid he doesnt love me as much. 

it’s just like investing in something that will worth zero by the end of the time. i know from beginning its like 1 year thingy but how could you stop your own feelings from growing? how could you know for sure that you will not get  hurt badly when this is ended? 

i want him to be a better man. i want him to be motivated if i’m around to be a good guy. i just wish i could do this without involving so muchhhh feelings toward him. what the hell did i think? shit. i know this is not gonna have happy ending but hopefully it will have a magical story. *if such thing exists